Reflex Reaction!

So I ordered a book from Amazon by Oriah, a wonderful poet, writer I've been lucky to find. My friend's husband had passed me 'The Invitation' when I was at a low ebb in my life some years back.

The poem used to adorn my soft board for a while and now I have it with me at home. I read it every so often. I love it.

When I ordered it, my state of mind was, 'I want to feel happy gifting and I want to create some joy at being gifted'. I thought how he'd call or how happy he'd be, etc. Of course these were all my silly little expectations.

When I saw that it would take more than a month to be delivered I messaged asking him if he'd be around or if his mother would collect the gift, etc. I remember being told, 'what's this, this is not good'. That was his reaction. He doesn't like being gifted or getting gifts. To an extent I empathise. But it hurt me to read (on SMS as we hardly talk) his reaction like that. I remember responding saying, 'one doesn't gift to hear, 'that's not good', but for the joy it will bring'. I was angry too.

Anyway, he received his gift today. He sends me an SMS saying thanks a lot, received. Reflexive reaction - hurt and anger. A person can't even call to thank! I guess this is not an occasion to call, and of course I mean he didn't ask for a gift, and then it's from me, and it's not from one of his close friends, etc., etc.
Is this how it's supposed to be? Should I be making excuses here for behaviour like this, or accept it and shrug, because after all, everyone is different and why do I need to have unreal expectations? Maybe I just liked the wrong guy (as usual!). Maybe I need to wake up and smell the roses - he doesn't care! Not one bit! For him, I'm just someone he tolerates. I don't know, am sure there are a lot of explanations and maybe it'd be prudent of me to just let it be.

But I am hurt. And the last time I said I was hurt, I got a response saying, 'maybe it'll hurt less if you thought of how tiring it can get for the other person to constantly assure, reassure, explain,...don't have the energy or inclination to comfort anyone, nor to argue...'.

I don't think I deserve this kind of attitude or behaviour or detachment. Would I be right in feeling a sense of hurt, being let down, or just being taken for granted? Maybe I read too much into everything, and that will forever remain my weakness. But hey, we're supposed to be more than friends. Oh! I forgot...maybe that again is/was my assumption. He probably outgrew it a long time ago and hence for me the sense of hurt and disappointment is very palpable.

I need to have a cold shower, let the tears be washed away along with the rest of the 'reflex reactions'. I know I care for the person I am and I should not give in to anger, but think long, hard and be absolutely certain if a life of pain and hurt and constant compromise is what I want in the long run.

What is clear now - he doesn't care!